Facilitation Wellington Dufferin’s latest newsletter is here with resources and events to support facilitation and get you engaged in community. Check it out and sign up for the newsletter here:
https://mailchi.mp/ecc5b31ac570/february-facilitation-wellington-dufferin-newsletter
Our final Impacts of COVID Webinar on Personal Connections began with excitement over our togetherness and anticipation over renewing connections. Joanna started the night off by reiterating some ground rules, celebrating the successes of the webinar series thus far (Impacts of COVID) (Community Connections), and introducing Susannah Joyce, the founder of Realizations and our speaker for the night.
Susannah is deeply involved in the Ontario Independent Facilitation Network (OIFN) and has a long history as a dedicated volunteer in facilitation services. The group introduced themselves to each other, mentioning their roles and what they were bringing to the space in the evening. Many people identified themselves as “friends” and were looking forward to Susannah’s expertise on building and maintaining personal connections. Susannah invited us all to view the night as an opportunity to build our skills and learn.
We began with a discussion on time, and how many demands we are all finding on our time during the pandemic. Susannah noted how difficult it is to find balance and connect when connection is digitally mediated and when that medium (like Zoom!) can also be quite draining. She began her presentation with some quotes about belonging and energy between people. Susannah affirmed that our need for connection and belonging is as important as any other need we have.
She invited us to think about some questions as a method to strengthen our friendships by being intentional about our relationships, and having conversations about them. She invited us to use our passions and our gifts (which are natural avenues that bring us to connection) to explore and deepen our relationships.
Connections are deeply individual, and there are many ways to feel close and connected to others. Similarly, there are many different kinds of people we can choose to deepen our relationships with. The variety is part of the fun! Susannah told us, “There is no right or wrong, there is just what feels comfortable to you.” We were invited to think about what does feel comfortable to us, and how we prefer our friendships to work and what kinds of friendships we have. In addition, we were invited to consider how our friends like their friendships with us to work, and what they need or have time for in their lives. Susannah invited us all to ask our friends “Has what they need changed since we have been distancing,” and to make an explicit space to talk about the changes COVID has given to us all.
She encouraged us that in thinking about strategies for building new traditions with our friends during this time, we can be mindful about what we can give to people we have relationships with, and also what we want to get in return. Some days we might have nothing to give, and that’s okay too. A good place to start in figuring out what we might want and how to go about strengthening our relationships is to think about when we have time and energy, and when the people we want to connect with do as well. She emphasized the important of reaching out to our connections, because we often assume people are doing okay, but it can be a really powerful action to reach out and check in on others, and usually it doesn’t take too much energy.
The group had a bit of a discussion about the kinds of friendships we have, strategies for managing friendships that might be more difficult during COVID, such as friendships with people who are really busy, or friendships that are more based on shared activities in the physical world. After some discussion it emerged that it can be really great to just check in with people, while explicitly stating that we don’t need a response, and that we are just sending that love or connection or care into the universe. We came to the realization that building our skills during COVID and keeping our hearts open because of the pandemic can be a good thing to carry us through and continue on later. We noted the need to balance intentionality with authenticity, but thought that perhaps we could intentionally keep some of the authentic feelings and need to connect that we have right now.
After our conversation, Susannah discussed the nature of conversations and how we can have them, and how they might involve different elements, like sharing stories. Susannah shared some strategies on having meaningful conversations by asking questions, in particular open ended questions, and being comfortable with pauses and really digesting what we hear and waiting a few seconds before responding. Listening was highlighted, and in particular listening with the whole body, and recognizing the beneficial effect that being present and listening to someone can have on them. As we listen to them, we can be carefully curious about them, ensuring that we are authentic in wanting to know more. In discussing, we found too that others feel listened to in different ways, and people may enjoy communicating in different ways. We can find it harder to be curious and listen sometimes when we are tired, and that’s okay too! Susannah reminded us that we are always busy, and always have been busy, even before and after COVID, but its okay to just try a little when we do have the ability to ask questions.
Joanna recommended a TED Talk on “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation” and recognizing the expertise of the people we talk with. We discussed how it can be harder to listen and show that we’re listening online, but Susannah affirmed that authenticity really shines through no matter what, especially when we are open to our curiosity leading us down a variety of paths.
Even during the pandemic we have a myriad of choices on how to connect with others. We can connect by phone, Zoom, a variety of social media platforms and messaging apps. We can try to safely gather outside, and still participate in virtual activities alongside each other. We might struggle with generational divides, or divides with our existing social circles, and we have to be mindful that there is a learning curve to everything and we can try to meet people where they are. Susannah recommended a movie “Cyber-Seniors,” (link) which was on learning different digital strategies, and demonstrates that we can learn different communication methods.
We ended with a great message about community from Starhawk
By Starhawk
We are all longing to go home to some place
we have never been—a place half-remembered and half-envisioned
we can only catch glimpses of from time to time.
Community.
Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion
without having the words catch in our throats.
Somewhere a circle of hands
will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter,
voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power.
Community means strength
that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done.
Arms to hold us when we falter.
A circle of healing.
A circle of friends.
Someplace where we can be free.
from Dreaming the Dark: Magic, Sex, and Politics (Beacon Press)
Susannah has graciously provided us with some of the resources from her presentation, some of which are part of her training resources from Realizations.
Strengthening Our Personal Connections
During Covid
With
Susannah Joyce
Realizations Training & Resources *
“Belonging is an intrinsic need for all humanity. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to”.
Brené Brown
During these times when responsibilities can feel overwhelming, it can be challenging to find time and energy to stay in touch with people we care about. There is no best way to make sure we are maintaining connections. Some options include:
• Casual, Quick Touching Base
• Catching Up on What You and Another Have Been Doing
• Deeper Conversation
• Doing Something Together
• Just Being in the Same Space
We also need to consider the different kinds of relationships we have, and what might be needed to sustain each:
Partner… Children … Family … Pets. … Friends … Colleagues … Neighbours … Groups… Acquaintances … Professionals…
Another consideration is knowing our own particular approach to friendships and that of others in our life:
· Are we more comfortable with a few close relationships or do we enjoy a wider variety of people in our circle?
· Do we tend to reach out to others or wait till they are in touch with us?
· Do we prefer fairly regular contact or are less frequent interactions enough?
· What do we know about these characteristics in others we are close to?
Who do we tend to turn to for various needs and which of these are we able to offer to others, knowing we all have times when we are able to give more?
Comfort Empathy Ideas Encouragement
Fun Information Validation Moral Support
Unconditional Love and Acceptance
We also need to consider what claims we have on our time and energy and what do we know about those claims on others in our life?
But it’s not just about time and frequency of connection. It is also about the quality of our interactions Below are some thoughts on having meaningful conversations:
· What would you like to know more about someone in your life? Do you actually want to know more about them? Ask new questions or follow-up questions.
· Ask open ended questions … What was it like? … When did you… ? How did you …?
· Its less about what happens to people than how they experienced something…. not just recitation of events …. seeing it from wider perspectives.
· Don’t fear pauses … most of us stop listening to a comment half way through so we can be ready with a response … its ok to wait a few seconds before replying
· Rev. Margaret Guenther said good conversationalists are like midwives helping the other person give birth to what they want to say.
David Brooks, NY Times
We can also use this time to strengthen our skills in listening and in becoming more genuinely curious about learning more about each other.
Thoughts on Listening and Being Curious
“ Humans need to be heard before they can listen.” Amanda Ripley
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” Albert Einstein
“I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.” John Steinbeck
Be curious, not judgmental.” Walt Whitman
“Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” Alan Alda
Using different ways to connect long distance, at different times and for different people, can helps us stay in touch, even briefly!
Email Phone Facetime Text
Facebook Messenger What’s APP Twitter
Instagram Snapchat Zoom Tik Tok
“We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been---a place half remembered, and half envisioned, we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free.”
Starhawk, Dreaming the Dark
* Content other than Quotes is material from workshops and writings of Realizations Training & Resources
This resource was shared with attendees of our Impacts of COVID webinar series, but we are also sharing it now here with you!
We invited folks to think about this question and then dive into one of the activities we’ve collated for you below:
First think about what you love to do? How did you spend your time as a kid when time just flew by?
Go for a walk with a friend – add,maybe bring some bird seed to see if the birds will land on your hand to eat, or challenge friends to do an outdoor scavenger hunt you have created. Here is list of trails in Centre Wellingtonhttps://www.centrewellington.ca/en/living-here/trails.aspx#, Guelph Trails - https://guelph.ca/living/recreation/parks/trails/, Those in Arthur may have a new option https://www.wellingtonadvertiser.com/arthur-walking-group-under-consideration/
If you like walking but not nature, see if anyone is offering walking tours. One option - Stroll Walking tours KW https://strollwalkingtours.com/, or a self guided walking tour of Fergus - https://www.downtownfergus.com/fergus-historical-walking-tours/, Orangeville - https://www.orangeville.ca/en/things-to-do/walking-tours.aspx Guelph - Self Guided walking tour of Woodlawn memorial park, https://www.woodlawnmemorialpark.ca/guelph-memorial-park-family-events/guelph-memorial-park-walking-tour/, Guelph Self Guided Walking Tours digital booklets - https://guelpharts.ca/gac-programming/2014-08-29-19-34-38/walking-tours-booklets
Join or start a walking group - Fergus - https://www.facebook.com/Fergus-Elora-walking-group-361272730740972/,
Go to the beach - regardless of season
Have a picnic
Skip stones off the water
Geocaching - the world’s largest treasure hunt https://www.geocaching.com/play
Embrace winter sports like snow shoeing, skiing, skating, tobogganing, build a snowman
Bundle up and host a coffee/hot chocolate social and chat in your driveway for your neighbours
Craft in a box – create one and have a friend create one and swap, or take turns -one buy all supplies and drop off at friends and video chat with them and create together
Boredom boxes - make a package for your friend filled with things that you know they enjoy - foods they like, magazines they might like to read, projects or crafts they might like to try
Call a friend - in a world where there are so many technical options to connect - sometimes there is so much power in a regular phone call
Host an online paint night
Host an online movie night – netflix option
Have an online games night – Free Houseparty app https://www.houseparty.com/, Jackbox (on Steam) option for games similar to pictionary etc and use zoom too https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jackbox_Party_Pack, Board Game Arena https://en.boardgamearena.com/
Have a friendly “betting” on sporting events – where the winner gets “?” - or they just a point and whoever gets to 10 wins -could be something with no cost attached - a pick a silly thing the opponent has to do/say
Letters – they do not need to contain words – they can be a meme, pictures of things that person is passionate about cut out from the newspaper.
Send funny Youtube videos - dogs, dances, choir, jokes, geographic images, whales etc
Send a card to someone – this could have a surprise inside like a teabag for the friend who loves their tea. Email what you have done and perhaps that will inspire others.
The Community Resource Center of North and Centre Wellington has a Pen Pal Program. Sending Support program - https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfAyslkwoaDH67eFTB6U_quwPYUPKkvNVRUZjkIbK6MBF3JSw/viewform?fbclid=IwAR3R8UIIDFfI5ISNJArgrRJIhW-4aHMs1DvhsBhvzVlSazOUgjB7-2KYa1A
Contribute to the Community Anthology which is a traveling journal for county residents to document their pandemic experience.
Travel without moving - Post Crossing It's a project that allows you to send postcards and receive postcards back from random people around the world. That's real postcards, not electronic.https://www.postcrossing.com/
Organize a cookie exchange – a way to connect and still prepare for the holidays and still keep some traditions
Start new traditions – Christmas hike instead of meal
Find new ways to celebrate successes – car parades, giant banners, roaming driveway dance parties, drive through baby shower complete with hot apple cider and smores
Drop off a small gift to make someone smile, some fresh cut flowers, a seasonal arrangement from outdoor greenery, or a donut or other baked good.
Online cooking classes. The Cambridge Self Help Food Bank has free online cooking classes. please contact Laura, ljohnson@cambridgefoodbank.on.ca or 519-622-6550 ext. 206
Find a recipe and make it together with a friend while doing a video chat
Share your favourite recipe and ask others to do the same. Go further and put them into a book. Go deeper and use as a fundraiser for a local non profit organization! Becomes a win - win - win!
Video lunch visits – maybe with a senior neighbour
Find or start a Facebook group about something you are passionate about
Take up a hobby you always wanted to try or learn – singing, drawing whatever it is there is a free group or video for that
Join a random act of kindness website/Facebook/Instagram – and try out some ideas like dropping off cookies to someone, shovel someone's driveway
Get a camera, or use a phone camera and go out and take pictures. Make it more complex and add a theme. Go further still and ask your friends to join the challenge and have an email thread/Whats app group etc to share the pictures.
Join or start a book club - don’t forget about audio books. Don’t like to read,
Start a movie club, the same idea as a book club discussion but with movies
Join a plant group and swap plants and learn how to grow things
Share bits of you - wether videos that you have made on your phone, halloween costumes, pictures of what you have seen in the neighbourhood, pets, your gardens
Start an online version of Eye Spy - find an item people need to look for and then find that item in your neighbourhood and send the pictures back to the group and maybe even tell a story about it
Creative projects - unleash your inner artist - doodles, mandalas and then display your work on your window/door so the community can enjoy your talents, painting stones for a community installation (one facilitator helped people paint stones for the Guelph General Hospital and Lest we forget messages for Memorial Day)
Take a virtual tour or field trip https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/free-virtual-tours/ or https://www.lifewire.com/best-free-virtual-field-trips-4800629
Offer to help connect someone to a virtual education program
Take an online course with a friend
Connect with the local volunteer bureau
Try some meditation. https://www.heromovement.net/blog/free-guided-meditation-resources/
Take a yoga class. Yogachantalle@gmail.com - Chantalle offers online yoga at a reasonable cost and she is very experienced with folks of all abilities. Or Free yoga classes online https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thecut.com%2Farticle%2Fbest-free-yoga-classes-online.html%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3nh9-pMbdRqpqeqa5l4QQdE-RU-Mv0j6r7cUq6LcLPy-7dEaOgapn55oU&h=AT3FKt3i4FO6QDJSNmlSlaRJ_R29KVO5hWxFBl14qj5IHmPOi6dmdDk1jmI9JPNyvDXF5eE4nbVwcUQw6SNkUxf6u6S-IGZIVZST48DipfZfhrH70w42b8eF-ShXDDStmiY or here https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
Host a virtual Karaoke night
Play some two player card games. https://vipspades.com/blog/2-players-card-games/
Road Trips - and add some road trip games, or forgo the road trip and try them from home. https://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2018/06/road-trip-games/
Do you want to get to know someone better? Ask them if they have a photo album or two that they would share with you. Then have a chat about what you are looking at.
Do you like poetry? Write your own poem, listen to a poem written by someone you know and find poems on the internet that you enjoy. And don’t forget that hip hop is probably the most popular type of poetry.
Have you tried audiobooks? These are recordings of books that you can listen to. This website lists websites with audio books. Your local public library may have them too. https://bookriot.com/2016/09/15/11-websites-find-free-audiobooks-online/
Create a workout. Be creative with equipment (use a soup can as a weight). Share the workout with your friends. Take turns serving as the exercise leader. Or try Nike Training app https://www.nike.com/au/ntc-app lots of free trainings available
Create a dance party, turn the lights down and turn your favourite dance music up. Great exercise and fun to boot. Or even learn a tik tok dance.
Every day pick one type of music you’ve never heard before. Listen to a few songs or artists. Find something new that you like. Here’s a list of different music categories. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_popular_music_genres
Set up an obstacle course, for yourself and anyone else you live with. Set it up in a friends back yard or invite them to try it in yours.
Try the the Stay at Home festival brings you live streaming events https://www.stayathomefestival.com/
Go through your kitchen cabinets/fridge/medicine cabinet and throw away everything with expiration dated that has passed. Challenge your friends to do the same and see who has the oldest item.
Create a spa day. Find your favourite scented cream and apply it to your hands, arms, legs and feet. Put a wet face cloth in the freezer and once cold/frozen place it over your eyes and relax listening to calming music. Invite your friends to do it to and chat while doing it in your own homes. Share pictures of your painted nails if you decide to make them sparkle.
Find things on pinterest that you would like to do or try. When using social media be sure to follow these safety rules http://archive.ncpc.org/topics/internet-safety/social-networking-safety.html
We are constantly working to raise the bar on our services. If you have any questions or concerns about your experience with Facilitation Wellington Dufferin, please let us know.
Joanna Goode - Director
226-326-0916 x 210
Joanna@facilitationwd.com
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